Children are one of the most beautiful creations in this world. These gentle souls are like a blank sheet of paper. You need to handle them with love and care so that the stories written on the papers are pleasant. While a large number of couples have babies naturally, many people choose the route of adoption for bringing a child to their home. In this article, we are offering some valuable tips for potential adopters. The difference between these suggestions and ones you will find at other places is that these tips have been presented from the point of view of adopted children. This means that the advice here is customized to work well with adopted kids.
Handling such children requires a different approach. A divorce attorney in Port St Lucie, FL once cited a case where a married couple was driven to the brink of separation because they could not agree on the manner in which they should handle the tantrums thrown by their newly-adopted son. It was only after a counselor had sessions with the kid and the couple that all of them started to understand each other better and a crisis was averted.
1. Do Not Hide Our Reality From Us
Many people feel that it will be better to hide the fact from children that they were adopted. This is usually seen in cases where the adoption took place during the child’s infancy. This is an incorrect approach as the child can start distrusting the adoptive parents if she comes to know the truth from another source. Break the news gently to the child only after he/ she has grown up a bit. It is essential to know the nature of the kid to identify the best way to reveal the truth to him/ her. In case, you feel confused, approach a counselor or a similar professional for help.
2. Be Prepared For Our Reaction To The Truth
Adopted children who were unaware of their past can have extreme reactions when the truth is conveyed to them. They can feel anger, pain, and sadness when they come to know that their adoptive parents are not their biological parents. People must be prepared for such reactions and handle their children carefully. In case, the kid gives vent to her feelings, they should let her be. Most of the time the children are confused as they feel conflicting emotions. They may feel extreme anger but at the same time feel love for their adoptive parents. This is one of the most important tips for potential adopters. They will have to face this situation at some point in their lives and it will be better if they are prepared for it.
3. Never Compare Us To Other Children
“Look at the Smith kid. He is always well-behaved. Why can’t you be like him?”. Most of us would have heard lines similar to these from one of our parents during our childhood. Remember the anger you felt at being compared to another person. An adopted child may feel it even more because of his situation. He may feel that he is being unfairly judged and if he was their biological offspring, the parents may not have compared him to another child. Never compare any kid, adopted or otherwise to any other child.
4. Treat All Children At The Home Equally
There are many households where adopted children grow up with natural-born offspring. Parents at such homes must take care that al the kids are treated equally. It is one of the most difficult aspects of parenting. Let’s say, you allow your biological son who is older than the adopted one, to stay out late. This can cause the younger kid to feel that he is not being treated equally because of his adopted status. Make sure that you explain to him that the reason his brother is allowed to remain out late is because of his age. Remind him of the instances when both the kids were treated equally or when the elder one was not given something which the younger kid got.
5. Let Us Voice Our Opinions
Adopted children can become reserved when they come to know the reality. Kids who have been adopted late may be quiet and withdrawn right from the beginning. Encourage the children to voice their opinion on different things. Listen to them attentively and engage them in discussions. Sometimes adults can find it difficult to understand an opinion put forth by a child but it is necessary to make an effort to understand the youngster’s point of view. It is essential that the kid becomes communicative and shares important things with you. This will help in building a strong child-parent relationship based on mutual trust and respect.
Adoption is a sensitive matter and needs to be handled with great care. These tips for potential adopters will help them in taking critical decision and creating a healthy environment for the child to grow.