What Will You Give Up to Trust God?

What Will You Give Up to Trust God?

I adopted a word of the year (“trust”) and have been very mindful about the times I find myself not trusting. A few weeks ago, I had a professional challenge that shook my entire world, and I found myself going back to the word “trust” again and again. I feel like this word was whispered into my ear by God at the start of the year because it’s something I really needed to face head on.

Yet even as I chose the word, I worried that I’d have to really use it! (Can’t you just see God saying, ‘Yeah, that’s why I gave you that word, Cherie. Pay attention.’)

I’m paying attention.

It’s so easy to trust when things are going well. But for a lot of my life, things didn’t go well. Had the rough upbringing which caused self-sabotage patterns which caused more grief and then along the way the regular life challenges like health problems, no money, and relationship ups and downs. But in all of this, I needed to trust… and this teaching God we love that has brought me through so much once again has me on a big upward climb. But this time, it’s different.

This time, because I keep this word “trust” in front of me, I know I need to give up whatever else might prevent me from totally trusting. Since I’m focusing this trust right now on my career and the challenges ahead, I am:

giving up

Giving up my idea of what my career should be and asking God to come into my professional world and lead me.  

Just recently I joked that I would like to just paint and write fiction full time. Hahaha Joke joke joke… and then, suddenly I had lots of time to do both of those things. But then I joked, “Um… God? I really meant that I wanted money coming from somewhere first so that I could write fiction and paint.” As if God didn’t get that little detail that we need my income. But since he gets my sense of humor (He gave it to me!) I know he also has me and my family firmly in his grip in all this.

When I joked about leaving freelance writing it was because I was feeling some major burnout. I’ve been doing it a long time and it’s hard to make a living that way. Lots of fighting for work, pitching, rejections… and while I have always found it a thrill I was feeling tired, too. That kind of tired that goes right to your soul. Today, I keep asking God to come into my career so I can hear his voice and recognize the opportunities that he would have me take.

giving up the noise

Giving up the noise… the doubts, the social media overload, the worry.

I’ve always been pretty sensitive to noise. My own brain creates a lot of it. I’m an introvert and a thinker (and an over-thinker) and when I add in social media or my own self-doubt I’m not able to hear God anymore. That’s why I love the quiet mornings where I can praise him and listen. It centers me to make better choices and also just “be still.” I don’t do that enough.

Then there are people that mean well but project their worries on me during this transition. I really don’t know what comes next and so constant questions from other people are all a bit much for me. I get that people care and worry but sometimes they try and lay their own doubts on me and I have to mentally heave them off by asking God to remove them so I can focus once again on him.

giving up the anger

Giving up the anger, the thoughts that God is not for me, the fear that God doesn’t like me so much.

I’ve always had a struggle with God liking me. I believed he loved us all, but that perhaps he didn’t like me so much. This again goes back to my childhood, where my alcoholic dad told me I was not worthy of love from the time I was a baby. My dad had issues, but without realizing it they shaped the way I was able to receive God’s love.

God has been working with me on this ever since. I’ve come miles and miles from where I was, but with every setback there was a part of me that went back to this belief that when bad stuff happened it was because God didn’t really like me. He didn’t care.

In my head, I know this is wrong. In my heart, I slip. I allow these untruthful emotions space in my head. Then, I’d get upset, sad… why didn’t God love me… why isn’t he here for me… and then I’d get angry with him… God, why don’t you like me?

Crazy, right? I share all this because God has moved me through this, and if you’re feeling like this too please take comfort that he will do the same for you. I like to identify these areas where I’ve struggled so I can be mindful of all God is doing to help me with them. In fully embracing trust, I’ve asked God to help me with the fear that I’m not good enough.

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Cherie Burbach About Cherie Burbach

Cherie Burbach is the founder of Putting on the New. She is a poet, mixed media artist, and freelance writer. She’s written for About.com, NBC/Universal, Match.com, Christianity Today, and more. Her latest book is: Art and Faith: Mixed Media Art With a Faith-Filled Message. For more, check out her website.

Comments

  1. Laurie Driesen says:

    Thanks Cherie, I love your honesty and the way you express yourself about these struggles. What an inspiring post! You are inspiring me to pray the same thing, for God to lead my professional career. I know He is doing that but I do need to continue to give it over to Him. By the way, He is using you so much, my friend!

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  2. Bless you for saying that, Laurie! I know He is using you as well.

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  3. I so understand. The words I struggle with are “it’s my fault.” I have to constantly remind myself that I’m not responsible for others choices and it’s not up to me to fix everything. 😃

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  4. We’re such fixers as women, aren’t we? I totally relate.

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  5. Janet K Brown says:

    Great post, Cherie. I have trouble trusting the Lord to get it all done. I think it’s all up to me & drive myself crazy trying to do it all. What a crazy concept! I need to let God be God.

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  6. So true, but it can be so hard. Glad I’m not the only one.

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